The Duelist

After the Rain Has Fallen January 13, 2011

The downside of being able to pick up new things quickly is that I drop old things pretty quickly, too.

Three years ago I was part of a group of magicians called the Swords of Eternity. We swore that we would take the paths that lead to ourselves, not matter how distasteful that may be, as Herman Hesse wrote in Demian.

Little did I know that it would lead me away from the Swords completely.

Magick is a strange thing. Most people take up magick because of the promise of power, which is a selfish reason to start anything. That’s pretty much why I signed up in the beginning. But magick has a way of testing that self in fire, refining it, even leading to the death of the self. By the time I had the skill and understanding of magick necessary to achieve the things I used to want, I was no longer the self who had wanted those things in the first place.

I find myself wondering how the others are doing. I cast a working to take another member of the Swords down, years ago. I only saw it take full effect last year. I didn’t realize I had anything to do with what was happening to him until I reread an old magickal journal entry I wrote right after I cast the working.

By the time the spell worked, I was no longer the person who wanted it to work.

So I’m writing in this blog again, wondering who I’ll be next. I’m just trying to make sense of the life my decisions have given me.

It’s a wonderful life.